Grief is a funny thing

This is my grandpa and I Super Bowl Sunday the year our Seahawks won!

Grief really is a funny thing. On March 5th of this year my grandpa passed away. He had been quite sick for the last year so it didn’t really come as a surprise when he passed. However, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt just as bad as if it were a shock. About a year ago he was in the hospital with Encephalitis, a bacterial infection on the brain. The doctors did not expect him to live and told us if he did live his dementia would be much more sever and he would probably not remember any of us or how to take care of himself. We as a family decided to fight… he went to a couple different hospitals and then a couple different rehabs and while he did slip farther into his dementia he, for the most part, could remember most of his family and could do a lot of basic self care. I will never regret fighting, it gave us one more year to make memories, to make sure he knew how much we loved him, and it gave my children one more year to get to know their great-grandpa.

Today, as much as I want to write that I am doing great and that because I know that he is in Heaven with Jesus life is great, but I can’t. I am so sad, you wouldn’t know it by looking at me or talking to me. I put on a really good “happy face”. I try to be strong for everyone else so I turn off my sadness. It really is like a switch. I can tell I am about to feel something so I flick the switch and I don’t feel it. Don’t get me wrong, I am not depressed, I just turn off the feelings. I think I am afraid that when I turn them on again I won’t be able to hit the off switch. I know that if I watch the slideshow from his celebration of life I will have those feelings so I actually plan to do that tonight, in my room, alone. Wish me luck.

As for right now, I will say that things like… changing my profile picture on Facebook from the picture of me and Grandpa or changing the wallpaper on my computer from the picture of grandpa doing a wheelie in his dune buggy will have to wait. I just can’t bring myself to do it yet. My prayer tonight is that if you are in a place of grief, you are able to feel. Feel the feelings of heartache along with the feelings of love so that you may work through your grief and not get stuck not feeling. I hope that you know that Jesus is walking along side you holding your hand, ready to help you pick up the pieces. Maybe I just need to listen to my own advice. 🙂

Friday Favorites

For my first Friday Favorites I wanted to share with you some of my favorite photos I have taken as a photographer. On my down time I can usually be found with a camera in my hand. I love to shoot anything from landscapes to family portraits. You can check out some of my photography at www.seibellaphotography.com. I also run a facebook page where I showcase my landscape photos called Radiant Tree Digital Imaging. As much as I love taking pictures of people and capturing their personalities to be remembered forever, there is just something so amazing about taking pictures of nature. The overwhelming feeling I get when I point my camera at a mountain or an ocean then push the button knowing that by capturing that image we will get to enjoy and remember those moments forever is so wonderful. Here are my 5 favorite pictures (so far).

 This picture was taken at Columbia Park, (Kennewick Washington) on an evening walk down by the river with my family. It was taken in late July.

 This is a picture of Mount St. Helens in Washington. We took a day trip in early July as a family. I was truly an amazing sight to see.

                                                                              This picture was taken at a place called Hood park in Burbank Washington. We go there often for camping and taking pictures.

 This picture was taken on a family vacation in August at the Oregon Coast. Honestly, I feel closer to God at the Oregon Coast than anywhere else on Earth.

  This picture was taken in February of a male lion at the Portland Oregon Zoo.

Thank you for checking out my Friday Favorites. I hope you are able to get out this weekend and enjoy your passion just as I plan to take my camera out and see something new and exciting. Who knows… maybe I will blog about what I capture in a future post.

Teaching the Easter Story in Preschool

We have been learning about the Easter story in preschool for a couple of weeks. We talked last week about the last supper. Teaching 4 and 5 year old children about the reason we drink grape juice and eat bread when we take communion was actually quite easy. It is also really easy to tell them that we love each other and show God’s love to others because Jesus said, “A new command I give you; Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35) Teaching this to children is easy because kids understand love and kindness, what gets tough is explaining to children the next part…. Jesus dies.

This is hard to explain to children because even as an adult it is very hard to understand. How can people treat a man so terribly? How can you beat and bruise a man so bad without reason? How can you expect him to carry his own cross after you have beaten him for hours? All of these questions are ones that I ask myself every time I sit down and REALLY think about Jesus dying for me. Let me tell you the classroom gets very quiet when I read the story of Jesus dying. Explaining to my kids that Jesus was beaten and nailed to a cross and then left to die creates feelings in preschoolers that most have never felt before (most kids know that he died and rose 3 days later but they have never heard the nitty gritty yucky parts). The look of sadness in their eyes and the sighs of compassion as you explain the entire story are heartbreaking.

The good news is that tomorrow I get to teach them about the good part… Jesus rose from the dead and he is in Heaven, waiting for us.  Even better, Jesus lives in us every day. Jesus lives in our hearts and when we hear that voice in our head telling us to do the right thing it is really Jesus in our hearts telling our brain what to do. I believe it is important to teach them the entire story as it really puts into perspective how much Jesus loves us.  That he was willing to die such a brutal death so that we don’t have to, even though we deserve to. My prayer is that you have a chance to read the Easter Story and remember how much Jesus loves you!

Pets Pets Pets

Do you have pets? We have a few pets that include, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 parakeets, 2 fire bellied toads, 2 goldfish, 1 beta fish, 1 tortoise, 1 crested gecko, and today we got two baby chameleons. It is probably obvious but I feel the need to tell you anyway…. WE LOVE ANIMALS!  We have had pets our entire marriage, I can’t remember a time where we didn’t have at least a couple fish. Now that our children are older we are able use our pets to teach them about love and responsibility.

Our children each have their own pets that they are responsible for feeding and cleaning up after. Our oldest daughter is responsible for feeding the cats, changing their littler box and feeding the tortoise. Our son is responsible for feeding and watering the dog. Our youngest daughters are responsible for feeding their goldfish and helping their dad change their water when it gets dirty. They know these are their responsibility and they know that there are consequences if they do not complete these tasks.

Our children have come to be huge animal lovers just like us. They love each and every pet we have. They have learned that even when an animal does something we don’t like (such as pee on your back pack) we still love them and we still take care of their needs. This is helping them to learn unconditional love and forgiveness. I would love to know what kind of pets you have and if your children are responsible for any part of their care?

Overtime…

The dreaded call from my Officer…. Honey, my Sergent called and wants to know if I can work overtime tonight.  My initial reaction is always… NO! Of course you can’t, you are mine and I don’t like to share you. Then reality kicks in and I am reminded that overtime means more family adventures and the opportunity to save money for fun things like ice cream outings and daddy/daughter or mother/son date nights. So I reluctantly say, “sure, if you feel up to it, I don’t mind.”

When I get home I am reminded that I hate nights when Hubby isn’t home, somehow the house feels so empty when he isn’t here. Then it’s bed time, the kids get ready for bed and they seem to need a few extra hugs and kisses from Mama when Daddy is on graveyard shift. I get them all tucked in and the three little ones make excuses for why they need to come give me just ONE more hug. 🙂  I will miss that when they are all grown up.

Now it’s my turn to try and sleep. Knowing that the “what if’s” and the “maybe’s” will keep me up for a while. So tonight, as I head to bed… alone, I ask that you thank and pray for the police officers who spend countless nights away from their families to keep us all safe.

What is Happiness Unfolding?

The dictionary definition of Happiness is the state of being happy. Having contentment, and joy. The dictionary definition of unfolding is to spread or straighten out. This blog will be an in depth look into my life as a mom of 4 (including a set of twins), police wife, preschool teacher, and Christian woman. My prayer is that through this blog I am able to inspire or help others that are trying to unfold their happiness.